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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
