yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
