Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
