At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
