I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
