did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
