Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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