Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
