Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
