and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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