wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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