Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
