i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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