he wants to bone in the snuggie
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
