I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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