HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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