if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
