I faked an abortion last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
