she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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