the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
