i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
