I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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