Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
