he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
