i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
