Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
