i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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