The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
