I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
