Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why do cheetos always look like penises
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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