Someone shit on the floor
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
