I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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