When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
