I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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