he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
