Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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