Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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