I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
