turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
