how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
