are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
