Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
