You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
