My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
