sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Farmville is her only friend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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