Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
