is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
