I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
