mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
