It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
